The Sound, the Feel and the Sight of Laughter

By Maxwell’s Mom

Maxwell was born on 8/8/88. He was the youngest of our three children and everything about him was easy. Having two older siblings enabled Max to watch and learn, and yet become his own person. He was a late walker and talker, all because his brother and sister knew how to communicate his needs to mom and dad. As he grew older, he knew how to stay away from trouble. He made sure he surrounded himself with good friends with high standards. His big heart was open to everyone which made him the sensitive guy he was.

Max was seldom angry, and even as a child, he was very quick to bounce back after being chastised for something he had done wrong. He always looked on the brighter side of things and saw the glass as half full. He always had a big, bright smile and happy glow about him. He could make anyone smile, laugh, or feel happy. He had a special, uplifting presence about him that was felt by all those who came into contact with him. His modest sarcasm was always appropriate, never too much. He always knew when to be silly, and more importantly, when to be serious. His sensitivity to life’s challenges made him a reliable comforter to the special people around him who found themselves in the midst of a struggle or challenge. He was the family mediator, always concerned about calming issues when they arose.

Although Max was not a superstar athlete or an academic genius, he tried his hand at most things and was active in school activities such as wrestling and Lacrosse. He was extremely intelligent and gentle. He had a passion for understanding how things worked and shared his ideas with those around him. This was part of his appeal. In the short life he lived, Max had great integrity and we are so proud of him and all that he accomplished while he was with us.

Max never hesitated to bring his friends home and they all felt comfortable hanging out around our house. There was always something interesting going on in their buddy circle. Max would regularly organize events at the house, such as paint ball wars, go-karting, playing horse shoes or spending time swimming. Some of my favorite times were when they would all show up with hamburgers and hot dogs to barbeque. Then there would be an evening of talking around the fire pit and laughing about something. They were all constantly goofing around in a manner which brought fun and happiness to our house.

Max surrounded himself with people who were consistent. He managed to stay away from kids who were into drugs or who dealt with other issues that many teens battle against. He did have one long time friend who involved himself in the wrong crowds and sometimes got into trouble. This friend knew that when he was at his lowest point, he could always rely on Max to be there. Max would not turn his back on him.

Max had another friend whose father was battling cancer. He spent a great deal of time with this friend, listening to her emotions and letting her cry her heart out. After her father had passed away, Max would often be at their home; offering his spare time to help with the cars, problems with the house, and even help out with their yard work. He was kind hearted and sensitive. He did not get a chance to have many girl friends; however, girls always knew they were welcome and would be treated with respect.

Like his siblings, Max knew that he would need a part time job to fund his social life. He also had to help pay for running his own car by contributing to items, such as auto insurance, gas, tires, oil changes and other responsibilities many kids don’t always have to worry about. To meet his financial needs, Max had been working at La Rinconada Country Club, where he became a keen golfer. Max would always encourage his family to get out and play. One major target he had was to beat his dad over a full round. Although he came very close, he never did quite accomplish this goal. We knew we would be proud when that day arrived and it is dreams like this that will now never be fulfilled. Things like this and knowing what could have been make this sort of tragedy so very hard on our family.

Max really understood the importance of saving money and he would listen to his dad talk about investing for the future. He had a brokerage account with Schwab and had built a portfolio of mutual funds and CDs. He held high dreams for his journey through life and would often comment how much better he was going to do in business than his dad. At the age of 18 he had a sense of maturity beyond that of many kids the same age.

In the days and weeks prior to the crash, Max was busy getting ready to leave home for college. He and I had spent time together researching accommodations and traveling to San Luis Obispo. We had just signed a lease for housing. He became quite excited about starting this next stage in his life, having his own lap top, being independent, graduating from college and meeting all kinds of new people.

I would often call Max on his cell phone to ask if he would be home for dinner. His response was typically the same: “Maybe not, Mom”. Then with a smile he would quip, “I’m just trying to prepare you for when I leave for school and won’t be in for dinner”. At the time I did not really relish these words, but now I would do anything to hear them again. One of his favorite things that he would do to me was to put his arms around me, and hang his six-foot frame and body around my shoulders. Max was my very happy and loving son. I very painfully miss him, those hugs and that wonderful smile.

The day that Maxwell died was different right from the beginning. It was the middle of summer and there were the makings of another very warm day. Everything was tinder dry and there had been constant concerns of brush fires in the hills.

Max had just begun a new part time job at his friend’s pool business. He was helping with equipment installation and it was exactly the kind of thing he loved to do. Over the previous few days he was already suggesting ways to upgrade our own pool equipment and he had been somewhat critical of its installation method! Early that morning his boss called to say that Max should stay home and not come to work. His boss had lost the van keys with all the tools and equipment locked inside. There was nothing to do until he found the keys.

Max’s dad was also not working that day and he was planning to take my laptop computer to Circuit City for a free diagnostic checkup. Upon hearing this Max asked if he could come along. He reminded us that he would need a new computer for college. He was also considering upgrading his cell phone and Circuit City had a Verizon store. Perfect, the morning was set. Max and his dad ended up spending almost the entire day shopping for his computer and other school supplies. When they returned home, they both felt a strong sense of accomplishment.

Neither Max nor my husband were computer crazy people, but for some reason they felt compelled to continue working on my computer together to clean up some of the remaining bugs. Towards the end of the afternoon, Max’s brother, Simon, came home and invited Max to play some golf. Generally Max would jump at the chance of a golf game and especially with his brother. For some reason Max declined and said he was busy working the bugs out of my computer. Before Simon finally left the house, he invited Max again, but Max said, “No thanks, later!” I remember at the time thinking how unusual it was for Max to decline a game of golf, but clearly he and his dad were enjoying their time together.

Finally, after several hours, Max and his dad delivered my computer to where I was sitting in the evening sun. Max proceeded to show me what they had accomplished, and in his usual manner wrapped his long arms around me while he typed. Eventually Max’s sister, Ashley, came home and sat on the couch. They started to romp and play around much as they had done together over the years. There was a great sense of family well being that evening. As I started to think about preparing the evening meal, I remember thinking how good life seemed to be.

As often happened Max’s friend Erik, who was planning to room with Max at San Luis Obispo, arrived after his work. They were planning to spend the evening at their friend Donald’s house, where they often met to play cards. Before they departed, Erik decided to join us all for dinner and there was much conversation about college and plans for the coming weeks.

A little after eight o’clock, the boys thanked me for dinner and said they were going down the hill to Donald’s house. Most often Max would drive his own Scion tc, but unbeknown to us this night, he decided to travel with Erik in his Nissan 350Z.

As the sun started to set, I was cleaning up and chatting with my daughter. There was a heavy smell of smoke in the hot evening air, and the sound of fire engines and helicopters became quite noticeable. My husband decided he was going to have an early night and things started to wind down by about nine o’clock. I sat down to watch TV. A little while later, I saw Donald arriving at the house. He came into the family room and said, “Mom, where's Max & Erik?” Donald always called me Mom. He was worried because Max and Erik had not arrived at his house. I asked, “Isn't he with you? Or maybe he is with Cody?” Donald said, “I don't want to alarm you, but there is an accident on Graystone Lane. I will try and get closer to see if I can see a car.”

A short while later, Simon was coming home from golf and called to say there had been an accident on our street. He could not pass through the police cordon.

I went upstairs to wake my husband, but he was already up. He heard the fire engines and helicopters in close proximity and thought maybe there was fire danger. I explained that we were worried about Max who was not answering his cell phone.

By now I think we knew something was wrong and we all jumped in the car. We went around the back way to the beginning of Graystone Lane, where we understood the accident had occurred.

We were pulled over by local police and CHP officers and asked to wait. We identified ourselves and were informed that there had been a collision with fatalities. We were asked if we had any pictures of Max. Max’s sister, Ashley, provided one from her purse. A few moments later, we were informed that our beloved Maxwell had not survived a high speed crash. Also, Erik and two pedestrians were dead.

There are no words to describe the utter horror and disbelief that overcame us, as we stood there not knowing which way to turn. The only thing we could do was cling tightly to each other and hope there had been some mistake.

Eventually, in our living nightmare, we managed to drive back home, where we were in no way prepared to begin a new life without Maxwell.

I do not know how we managed through the next few hours. Our bodies felt like a lead weight and no relief from the emotional pain was possible. Part of us would not allow our minds to believe this had happened. How could things change so radically in such a short time?

We just sat crying and trying to reason things. We could not understand what had happened that evening. We heard that Erik’s car had been speeding excessively and was estimated to be doing more than 80 mph (Graystone is posted at 35 mph) when he lost control, hit the pedestrians, and then crashed into a tree. To us this seemed unimaginable. Our whole family knew that we should be cautious when driving down Graystone. There are always pedestrians on the street and deer coming down to the creek to water.

It did not make any sense at the time. Here were two boys who were so happy and full of life. For sure they did not leave our house that night with the intention of killing themselves or others. This was something that did not need to happen. It really was not an accident and should have been preventable if the car had been driven in a responsible manner. We had always worked hard with our own children and felt we had done the best to teach them to drive responsibly. Now, we realized how little control we really had and there was no plan for when they are riding as passengers in other vehicles. We realize that even though we felt we knew Erik well we never questioned his driving habits.

It was the next day that our neighbors drove us to the Coroner’s office where we identified a photo of Max. Here then was the absolute confirmation that we had lost Max. We would somehow need to deal with his loss and all the wonderful things in his life that would no longer happen.

Now several months have passed and we are unable to fill this hole in our family. It feels like a life sentence without parole. Our lives are forever changed, but we must learn to find new goals and motivation to keep going. Each member of our family must deal with the tragedy in their own way.

Max was a best friend to so many people. He continues to be a positive influence to the people who so dearly cared for him. Words can never do justice in explaining who Maxwell Harding really was. They are merely just a reflection of how his greatest fans feel about him.

Perhaps the most fitting words about Max were spoken at his memorial service by his best friend Paul:

“To those who knew him, no explanation is necessary. To those who didn’t, no explanation is possible”